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Jinxynora
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Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female
Interests: On my board with Indy trucs, in my car with Goodyear wheels, Down the coast with reef sandals onmy feet, Through a slope with burton bindings, Up the stairs with a camera in 1 hand, Down a tunnel thats under construction, with a passport, with a french dictionary, with my freinds,givinga helping hand, or maybe just trying to get even a better tan, My hobbies are as versatile as I am.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
10/25/2002
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| Life has been amazing. Job hunts are interesting, The summer fun was great, and boys well.. they need to turn into men at some point.
:) the summer is almost over and the years of work are around the corner. I am having a blast.
Nora
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| so I stole this from some girl's website, who said she stole it from someone else, who stole it from probably someone else.
"Life's about change and choice. a series of random moments. nothing ever stays the same.
you will always remember your past and should choose to honor every person
or moment that you loved. However, you shouldn't dwell on them like you will never have another moment that will ever compare to that one moment....or you'll miss it.
We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a piece of each other everywhere."! as given to me
:)
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| IMAGINE I AM IMMATURE...
IT'S 2006 AND I AM SO HAPPY I SKIPPED SO MUCH IN 2005. I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN SAN FRANCISCO AND WAS IN A HORRIFIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY THAT WAS FULL OF DECEIT AND MY HEART IS LEFT WITH A FEEL OF PAIN THAT HAS CAUSED ME TO BECOME UTTERLY IMMATURE IN MANY OF MY BEHAVIORS /HENCE ACTIONS.
Am I immature for reading his e-mails?
For doubting the white lies he said?
Am I immature for seeking out proof
When he left out intricate details?
Am i immature for not telling others
The pain he caused me physically?
Am i immature for sharing my sorrows
Only to be left feeling blue?
Am I immature to break up with someone,
Just so they can hook up with someone new?
Am I immature for giving my heart
To someone who treated me like a fool?
Am I immature for forgiving actions
That caused me to be in shock?
Am I immature for not holding things against someone
Who caused me to cry so much?
Am i immature for being bitter
For giving so much of my love to somoene
That didnt' have the maturity
To tell me they never felt we were together?
Am I immature for loving him enough,
To end months of sadness in my heart?
Am I immature for letting him borrow my items
Even when I hated him from inside?
D-c was probably the most I have hated to love someone, and loved to love someone, and for that I must block him out of my mind as I am content in my life now, as long as I don't think of him. People are so damn selfish too, they are all about telling you to let go of someone, but they are not there for you. They just want you to be there for them all the bloody time, but when it comes down to it, I know my true friends. I know who my true friend is, it is Shea wilson and for that reason I love him, I know my true friend, it is Stephen Sparks, and for that I adore him. I know my true friends, and I cherish them more in times like this, and ironically none of them are girls, and ironically none of them are those other than an ex, and a best friend who is like a brother.....
does this mean the rest mean less, no not at all, just means in life we must realize most think of themselves. I have been utterly shelfish at times to, so it's not a shock. I think there are few I have given much to without a desire to get back from, yet I know life is all in cycles, you do for one and they might do for another.. for that reason,.. I move forward. I MUST MOVE FORWARD.. I hope he finally returns my items, because I am ready to move forward FAST.
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| I can't lie and say that these past few weeks haven't been stressful. School has been killing me with a bunch of papers just coming at me from all over the map, and everything is ending fast and too quick for me to have any control over it. I thought I was going to go insane for sometime, and my relationship with D seemed like it was becoming a giant porcelain vase on the edge of a high falty table. So, it's interesting how things have become.
I woke up today, realized I had not turned in a paper, had no way to get to class on time, and was kind of unable to drive home without my glasses, so when d left for work, I decided to sit here and do my school work. It's been great, I got all my work done that was due today, and because there is some woman parked behind me, I decided to do my other essay, that will be due tomorrow. Overall, the day seems to have a potential for being less stressful. I'm not overly anything right now, which is fine, because lately I feel I have fluctuated from being extremely happy, to extremely sad. I'd prefer something in the middle like what I am now.
I feel I have become really fat as of late, not sure if I didn't ever care, or that I really notice it now, and that was causing me to feel even worse about myself, but now I realize that there is more to life than just being sad about things, you can work on things, and just hope for the best. Things do not change over night, and you should realize that. .. Aww, m is meowing outside, she might want to be let in, yet, I'm sure she wants to do more than hang out inside; she's such an outdoor cat.
I might get to see Ari today, and that's going to be interesting. I'm sure he'll be happy to know that I am not sad and lonely in SF as I was when I first met him. It's been 4 months since I started living up in S.F, and things are starting to get a little less chaotic, and I WELCOME THE REPETITIVE WORLD OF A SCHEDULE...!
Andrew just got back from his river rafting trip, not sure why I just keep thinking of how maybe this is a time to follow the realistic approach that d has. There is no point in calling or talking to him now when I am not into him at all in anyway but friendship, and well, I don't really see us being friends either.
I guess I officially have a boyfreind. I rarely know what I am doing, or how things will go with us, but the other day I decided, it's just best that I just come see him when I have a chance and stop acting as if life revolved around some sort of structure that was set up for us. Relationship is a word meant to define a bond of intimacy, but if we use it as a means of creating a structure to something, then all we are doing is using it for restrictive purposes. Okay, enough words for today. I guess the beauty of what we have is what I was forgetting, I don't really need to try to FIGURE it all out, because if I do, then all i shall do is end things and make things something that they aren't. If something bothered him so much, he'd tell me, so if he hasn't told me, then I shouldn't assume anything.
it's time I had some photos..
Here is a photo of us on his birthday :) AT an Indian restaurant.. | | |
| I cannot be much more than this hill,
I cannot be much more than what I am,
I stand here growing as much as I can,
I see the colors upon me change,
I cannot be much more till I change,
I await the day I shall grow
TO become the mountain like those above me,
Yet as my days are turning gray
I see the man with cement nearing me
Until my days of natural evolution
Are replaced with static existence
No more shall trees be upoon me
Just the feeling of being emptied,
Replacing of my soil for metal frames
Liquid of stench to carry to the ocean's way,
The inner me is no more the same
Hope of growth is irrational,
As nothing truly awaits me now,
Just the existence of a growth of gray cement
Higher and higher upon my curving body,
My exterior has been eternally paved,
With bricks and cement replacing the trees
This body of mine no more can create. | | |
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